NinjaSpartan's Hideout

Don't wanna miss a thing

2012-02-13T21:15:00.002+08:00

My lips are glued tight if there're friends around. I guess I feel inhibited, somehow, since it doesn't happen when we're alone. Do you feel that way, too?

Studio Project's off to a great start! Capable team and an awesome mentor :D

Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith on Grooveshark

2012-02-11T22:35:00.002+08:00

I love how you do that fist pumping action when you're happy/excited. I think it's really cute XD I have no idea why.

I've finally found the phrase I was looking for. It's called giving you space.

Irony

2012-02-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

I hope I'm not leading her on.

Ill kiss you till the morning light

2012-02-09T22:56:00.003+08:00

I like this song more and more each time I listen to it :D

Samson by Regina Spector on Grooveshark

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread
And went right back to bed
And the history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us
Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and
Came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me till the morning light
The morning light
And kissed me till the morning light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread
And went right back to bed
Oh we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And the history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us
Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

Some interpretations of the lyrics: http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=9419
-
I won't ask if you wanna take the bus home together anymore. Call it giving up, call it letting you go and seeing if you'll come back around, call it whatever you want.

My dear self

2012-02-08T21:26:00.001+08:00

My dear Samson, just give it up already. Nothing's ever going to happen, no matter how long you wait.

Sincerely,
Your rational mind

Haha

2012-02-08T10:56:00.003+08:00

It takes two hands to clap, if you only moved one hand, it'd tire after short while.

It's always worth a try, you ne'er know when you might be surprised.

-
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, everyone comes into our lives to teach us something, directly or indirectly. Once we have learnt that lesson or lessons, they will exit our lives. The same would apply to us. Perhaps I have learnt all that I have to learn from you, and now same reason that brought us closer is separating us, slowly, but slowly.

-
Haha means many things, sometimes it just means nervous laughter.

I'm in need of some happy songs.

2012-02-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

Oh you call me calculative? No prizes for guessing where I learnt it from. No surprise why you're the only person I calculate with too. Being nice to you doesn't work the slightest bit, it only serves to increase your pride and self-righteousness.

Did you know?

2012-02-07T15:43:00.006+08:00

When you're around, my heart, woah, it can't slow down. Beats so fast, makes it hard, to catch my breath.

-
I feel like I'm not worth someone's time if they look somewhere else when we're talking. But I'm guilty of it too. :/

Perhaps I have a iwillstrikeyoudownwhereyoustandifyoulookatme look in my eyes.

....
P.S. You know someone at least kind of likes you if she looks at you rather intently when you speak. Ooops?
P.S.S. Can't say the same for guys though, I tend to look intently at everyone, possibly with a iwillstrikeyoudownwhereyoustandifyoulookatme gaze.

So far away..

2012-02-05T23:33:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if being bestfriend-zoned is really as bad a thing people make it out to be. Heh.

Mae is another great artist/band!

We're So Far Away by Mae on Grooveshark

-
I'm reminded of you whenever I drink soup. Hahaha!

Copeland!

2012-02-04T15:46:00.001+08:00

Copeland has some really great songs!

Another Day In Paradise by Copeland on Grooveshark

She calls out to the man on the street, "Sir, can you help me?
It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep. Is there somewhere you can tell me?"
He walks on, doesn't look back, he pretends he can't hear her.
He starts to whistle as he crosses the street, seems embarassed to be there.

Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you, you and me in paradise.

She calls out to the man on the street, he can tell she's been crying.
She's got blisters on the soles of her feet, she can't walk, but she's trying. (trying)

Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, (oh) think twice, (oh) it's just another day for you, you and me in paradise.

Oh Lord, is there nothing more anyone can do?
Oh oh Lord, there must be something you can say..

You can tell from the lines on her face, you can see that she's been there.
Probably been moved on from everyplace, cause she didn't fit in there.

Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, (oh) think twice, (oh) it's just another day for you, you and me in paradise.
Just think about it, ohh.....

It's just another day for you and me in paradise
It's just another day for you and me ohh....

-
I'll my path and you'll walk yours, rejoice if they cross, nothing is lost if they do not, for we never had anything in the first place.

UPUPUP

2012-02-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

I've gotten my drive back!I feel like I could help the entire world! I wish I could activate this feeling of complete helpfulness at will. And those sparks of genius that randomly appear when I most need it.

I'm going to prove to my mother that I can take care of myself. Thou shalt not be able to discourage me. I will not allow it. I will go to Santa Monica. I will.

You know who you are ^^

Allow me to introduce...

2012-01-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

...my best friends, they are Solitude and Silence. When all is said and done, they are the only ones who walk alongside me. I do enjoy their company, very much.
No human ones, you ask? No, there are none. Never did have any, maybe never will.

Somehow I prefer mixing with older people, even if it's just a year of difference. I haven't the slightest idea why.

-

Why do I persist? Why does a part of this being named Samson refuse to give up? Is he, perhaps, hoping that, somehow, things will turn out different this time?

The funny thing is, I respond in a similar manner to people who annoy me.

-

This seems pretty true, at least for me, the A+ kid. Not bad.

-
You may say that I'm a loner, I hope I'm the only one.

Oh no

2012-01-30T21:14:00.001+08:00

I have a feeling my gpa is going be lower than last semester's this time round. Somehow I don't feel the same sense of anxiousness anymore.

-

It feels kind of sad to be the one always texting first. Again, it feels like an intrusion into the other person's space. Or something. You probably get what I mean.

It's not like I'm the most cocksure person around

You are my sunshine..

2012-01-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

I dreamt I held you in my arms...

Grooveshark's been churning out a lot of Taylor Swift and Amy Kuney lately, but I'm not complaining

Simple Things by Amy Kuney on Grooveshark

2012-01-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

I'm enchanted to meet to you..!

Enchanted by Taylor Swift on Grooveshark

I wonder..

2012-01-24T22:17:00.004+08:00

One day I'll look back, read these posts and chuckle at my idiocy.

I'm not so sure if I really want to be a monk anymore. We'll take them as they come, I guess.

My posts haven't been the brightest of posts lately, but bear with me, the end (of this) will come.

I wonder what my response will be the day my cousins ask, "Eh when you going bring girlfriend?" Hmm. That would be interesting.

《逆战》is awesome! Great story, great action, and not-so-cheap visual effects! I seldom say this, but I wouldn't mind watching it again if someone asks me along :D 'Nuff said, go watch it with your family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, do- Oh wait, pets aren't allowed XP

Damn, watch it alone if you must!

-
To tell yourself "顺其自然" and non-attachment is one thing, to wholeheartedly believe it and let go, is another.
I'm still having trouble with the latter.

Sitting here waiting, wishing you'd come online and talk to me.
"Pitiful," the voice in my head remarks, "Sitting there like a fool." The rational section of my mind tells me to "give it up already", yet the irrational part refuses to obey.

What I need now, is inner peace.

A battle of will

2012-01-24T13:35:00.001+08:00

In everyone, there is always a raging war, an unresolved conflict. One day, when two sides are sick and tired of duking it out, there will be peace. And Then conflict will spring up again, for another reason.

The reason for mine, I've just discovered. I want to be more than a mere friend, but I'm afraid of where this might go, and I'm at a loss as to how to go about it.

The solution could be so easy, cutting off all contact from her, but a sadistic part of me likes observing all the drama in my head.

I need, to say the least, some hints at what to do.

Popping up out of nowhere is usually the best mode of delivery.

－
Apparently I had a girlfriend during kindergarden called Geraldine Lim. Er... What?!

－
新年快乐！

-
若是缘，再苦味也是甜。
若无缘，藏爱在心田。

Just a wondering..

2012-01-23T22:43:00.002+08:00

I'm beginning to loosen up, to be more friendly, to feel more, yet at the same time, locking down my emotions. I wonder.

-
I dreamt of her, again. This time, I was the observer of an unfettered romance. I should be glad I wasn't the participant, but somehow, as much as I try to deny it..

The what-ifs nibble at the corner of my mind, little hamsters that refuse to be pushed aside.

Halo fever is back!

2012-01-23T21:12:00.002+08:00

I just finished reading Halo: Cryptum! In 2 days. Heh. 'Twas a great read! Can't wait for NLB to get Halo: Primordium! A sudden urge to replay the whole Halo series :D

Young life is so interesting, fascinating, but not to the extent that I would want to produce one.

And every Chinese New Year, I'm reminded of how much I don't fit in; all my cousins are all grown up and married, their children not at an age I can relate to. I straddle the divide, neither here nor there.

-
When I was very young, I dreamt of being an elite soldier, waging war against aliens, with augmented armour to aid me I dreamt of traversing the universe, cutting down my foes and preventing the destruction of humanity. I dreamt of slicing through hordes of invaders with blades that called my wrist armour home (this was way before such a thing as Assassin's Creed was conceived, before the Xbox 360).
A short while later, I dreamt of being the scientist, the engineer, the one who designed such beautifully dangerous tools. In my mind, I thought of how all the pieces could come together, how such individually harmless components would fit together into a lethal weapon.

Now, all I dream of doing is bringing peace. Not only to myself, but to everyone. Deep inside, I know it's impossible. But a guy can hope, can't he?

-

For every time my mind wanders to her, I'll replace the thought with Aberta Serrada, Redondo and Stepping. I know I'll succeed, in time.

They say it is heresy for a Christian or Catholic to marry, perhaps even fall in love(?), with a non-Christian. That makes this all the more important.

Let us be no more than friends, the best of friends, yes, if that is possible, for there can be nothing more. There will be no happy ending to this story, it is a sad truth indeed..

Step, stab, steppity stab

2012-01-22T21:53:00.004+08:00

Stepping is not actually stepping, Footwork is stepping, but Stepping is not Footwork. XP

Bahad Zubu really fits me, somehow. Perhaps it's because I've always had a fascination with blades, light and thin ones, mainly. Sometimes, it seems inexplicable why I'm not a Type 4. I hate mainstream. It was an "oh, man" moment when Ip Man (2008) came out and suddenly everyone learns Wing Chun.

Mainstream is boring.. I'd rather Kali remain in the shadows.

Finally, something to take my thoughts off you.

I wonder if it's a guy or girl, but still.

Sailing by Declan Galbraith on Grooveshark

Today I learned

2012-01-20T23:43:00.001+08:00

that deepening a friendship shouldn't be an uphill struggle, that conversation between friends should flow like an open faucet.

First time talking to Cheryl in a long while, and surprisingly, talk still flows freely.

I get the feeling you're avoiding me, but I also get the feeling I'm wrong.

They say that nice guys finish last, I wonder, do they even finish at all?

看透了人间聚散，能不能多点快乐片段？

城里的月光 by 许美静 on Grooveshark

lalala

2012-01-19T20:54:00.002+08:00

I realised that I do, indeed, have a life other than you. Fixation, on something or someone, is not very healthy.

They say that those who wish to be a part of your life, will make an effort to be in it. However, that is not to say that you should sit back and not make a effort. I realised how true that is only today.

Great song, this is! Thanks to Qurrah and Wani for playing it during the homework chionging session!
Only love by Trademark on Grooveshark

And you ask why

2012-01-18T11:27:00.000+08:00

You stonewall my attempts at reaching out, dampen my dreams, and you wonder why I have no ambition. All you dream and think of is money and fame, and you wonder why I stubbornly refuse to see the world from your point of view. You wonder why I rather stay in school than have dinner with you, well that's because I know, that if I spend too much time around you, I'll become just like you. What amazing double standards you have. You deny me the opportunity to support my friend at her concert, especially when I've already bought a ticket and the condition I stated came true. Your reason is being that I can't appreciate such.. things. Yet, you force me to accompany you to support your brother at HIS concert. I concede that you genuinely care for us, once in a while, but your selfishness reigns supreme. The only way I can tolerate you is to see you as an ignorant and shallow person who doesn't know better. Unfortunately that means my respect for you is like the spider in the jar, trying to climb but always sliding back down.

One of my friends says I'm cynical, I wonder if it isn't because the reason's being shoved in my face every single day.

My dad is a good person at his core, despite his little flaws, and he deserves better. Maybe he should've stayed single, he would've been happier.

Perhaps

2012-01-17T23:12:00.001+08:00

Perhaps, I'd like to fall in love, once. Just once.

This is for you, Grace :)

Who are you?

2012-01-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, while reading some blogs, who the 'you' refers to. And sometimes the thought, that it might be referring to me jumps into my head, but I dismiss it quickly. For I know, that I'm not so important as to be so mentioned, or even given a thought to.

Goodness gracious

2012-01-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

The photo that I took, the one that did not appear in my memory card. It remains clear in my mind, yet the person I was with doesn't remember it at all. Perhaps I was dreaming, after all. Perhaps...

Deja vu?

2012-01-13T22:01:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I dreamt that I would happen to meet a certain person after stepping out of a lift. This person was a school staff I seldom see walking around. And I did, today. It occurred the exact same way as it had in my dream. I wonder. That dream felt so real, like a memory. Speaking of which, I'm starting to wonder, if some of my so called memories, are nothing more than dreams. Dreams that my brain has me believe are memories. I realised something was wrong when that picture I took never appeared in my memory card. I guess I never did take that picture.

I really love your smile, you should do it more often :)

Why?

2012-01-13T00:04:00.001+08:00

I wonder why couples always seem to quarrel. Even arguing over the smallest things. Married, unmarried, it's all the same. If a couple is two people who can relate to each other, why is there a need to argue over the smallest things? Why, do people say that a guy and girl are like spouses if they constantly disagree with each other?

Makes you wonder if conflict is what defines the human condition, so much so that we constantly seek it out, doesn't it?

Like the thief in the night, let me steal your heart away..

2012-01-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

Westlife yes!

Girl I love to watch you
You're like candy to my eyes
Like a movie that you've seen
But you gotta watch just one more time
But that smile you're wearing
It's a beautiful disguise
It's just something you put on to hide the emptiness inside
And you seem so lonely

But you don't have to anymore..

[Chorus:]
If you're a heart without a home
Rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if for reasons, what you're looking for
I'll be yours

I'll be yours

You need a new sensation
One you never had before
I got a feeling if I gave you some
You'd probably want some more
Did you know that Baby
You're the bluebird in my sky
I only wanna make you happy cause
I love to see you fly

And if you feel lonely
You don't have to anymore

[Chorus]

I'll be yours, I'll be yours

I'll be the raft in the tide
I'll be yours
I'll be the truth in the light
And what's more
When no one opens the door
I'll be the hope that you're looking for

[Chorus]

I'll be yours...

There is no spoon.. Or is there?

2012-01-11T00:15:00.000+08:00

The Matrix was screened today in philosophy class! For those of you who've never heard of it, go check it out, it's awesome and thought-provoking!

In the movie, there is a line that goes, "Do not try to bend the spoon, there is no spoon." I found a striking relation, or rather, it found me, between it and the concept in the Heart Sutra. The Heart Sutra says, "Form is emptiness, emptiness is form". It struck me, as it always does, while I wasn't thinking of anything, and it became clear as I lay on my bed doing, well, nothing.

To understand that "form is emptiness", is to not be too attached to the outcome of your action, or any situation. It can also be said that you should not be too attached to the material objects around you. For when one is too attached to the outcome of a situation, negative emotions will arise once things do not go as planned, when the outcome is undesirable. Therefore, if one is not attached, not emotionally invested in the outcome, he would not be fazed by an undesirable result. Paradoxically, this will enable him to perform better in said situation, since the focus is completely on the task and not fixated on the end result, not worrying about the outcome. Have you ever done something, so instinctively, so naturally, even though you weren't thinking about doing it? That if you were to be asked to repeat it consciously, you would be unable? An example is appropriate at this point. After class, we were going to dispose of our snack wrappers and empty bottles. So I told my friend, "There is no dustbin." I was joking, with reference to the movie. What happened next was nothing short of surprising! He proceeded to toss the bottle into the waste paper basket as though it was the most natural thing in the world to do. And mind you, he was quite a distance away from it. Well, so what, you say? He could be doing it on a regular basis, for all we know, you say? Well the strange thing is, I did the exact same thing, at a slightly further distance! I know, for sure, that I'm quite a bad shot, so bad that I usually miss at a quarter that distance. The thing is, and that which I believe is the important factor, is how I had no attachment at all to the outcome, and I was perfectly certain it would miss. Until it went into the basket.

It has been said, especially by a certain Alexander, that the mind and body works best when it is not focused on the actual action. Rather, one should think of the goal, and relax and just let the mind and body do the work. But wouldn't this contradict what I said earlier about not being attached to the outcome? Well, no, it does not. You see, Alexander does on to say, that once you start to worry about the outcome, "what if I miss?", you will fail. You will start thinking of how to best complete the task, to the extent that you over-think and consequently fail. Now if you stopped before over-thinking, it'd be fine. But most people don't. See where the cookie crumbles? This Alexander, by the way, is Frederick Matthias Alexander, founder of the Alexander Technique.

So, this first part of the line is, in my humblest opinion, teaches us to not be attached to worldly things, which is includes situations and people too. And then the second part goes, "Emptiness is form". It definitely sounds paradoxical, doesn't it?

My interpretation, which may not be right, is this: Imagine if you are wholly detached from the outcome of any situation. Therefore, you could kill without remorse, without fear of repercussions. This fear, and morality as well, is what keeps our actions in check, and prevents the "believers" of. That emptiness is form as well, means that we should be mindful of our actions, and the effect they will have on others, that our actions are not wholly "empty", or nothing.

PS. I wrote this so I can remember the thoughts going through my head. I do not expect anyone to agree or disagree with me, as it is, after all only my humble understanding.

One day...

2012-01-09T00:04:00.001+08:00

One day, I'll get sick of these games. One day, when those that are close to me have gone, I will pack my bags and head off to the monastery. The world will not know my absence, for I was never meant to be here, in this place. It's just a feeling, you know. All of these events have been a happy coincidence, that's the only conclusion I can draw thus far. An illusory happiness at that.

Just as an afterthought, I wonder how many times people say it's alright and actually mean it? I can already sense this going downhill, it is inevitable that this fragile bridge falls apart.

我难过的是

2012-01-08T22:49:00.007+08:00

By some stroke of miracle, I've finally discovered the name of the song whose tune has been playing in the back of my head for the last few years! It so happened that the radio in the barber's started playing it while I was there. You must know, that this very old song, being played on YES933, is not something you see (or rather, hear) everyday (or year). Actually I've not heard it for a few years now. So far everything I've heard from 5566 is pretty good. So what if it's a boyband? Granted the music videos might make me feel a little queasy, but oh well, the music's good.

我難過 by 5566 on Grooveshark

What I really wanted was a friend I could relate to, one that I could really ask normally-weird/awkward questions. I guess I got what I wished for, and then some. This rush, no, torrent, of emotions was something I didn't wish for, and you know what they say about being careful...

So I'm trying to backpedal to the beginning, where this torrential flood didn't exist. Or go astern, if you will. I always thought gostan(or gostun, whatever) was a malay word, until Gwen told me it was "go astern". O.O

So I'm "laying off", for now, maybe forever, hah. This attitude of mine, is a double-edged sword. What, you say? Not to be boastful, in Arthur's words, I tend to give 110% to whatever I'm doing. It's all fine and dandy if it's something like schoolwork, but when it comes to relationships with people, or things that require a subtler approach, it tends to be more of a curse than a blessing. Add that to the fact I'm not a very good reader of subtle hints, and you have a bit of a disaster on your hands. To whoever that's reading this, humans, aliens, if you have any feelings about me, good or bad, please, I humbly request that you make them more obvious. Better yet, spell it right out for me. Haha.

Well, I can only trust that when the time is right, you, whoever you may be, will drop some pretty obvious hints. Wow, that was an incredibly long post. What insights one can gain from the mere cutting of his hair.

Or perhaps it was the 4 hour waiting time. Yep you heard that right.

Oh please, please don't take my sunshine away..

2012-01-07T19:09:00.007+08:00

These apparently mixed signals are driving me insane in the endless spirals of endless confusion. We seem to get along quite well, online that is. But you seem cold, somehow, and I daren't attempt to make conversation for fear of being slighted. When I see you talking to some other guy so merrily, it makes me wonder, if, perhaps, it's just all in my head and I'm the unapproachable one.

Sometimes too, I wonder if I'm just a part of the scenery in your world, if it's all just wishful thinking on my part. Oh how I wish I'm wrong, how I wish my instinct to be wrong, for once.

I want to be rich. Not with material wealth, which is inconsequential compared to everything else. I want to be rich, with wisdom, in colourful experiences, with happiness. The sunset is always beautiful, as long as one cares to actually take it in, with unhurried eyes.

I wish I could look at all of this with the same calmness I look at everything else.

Talk to me!!!! Must I say please? Not.

2012-01-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

Every time I initiate the conversation, it feels as if I'm intruding or disturbing you. It'd be nice if you did it for a change. It's not a big thing but, it'll feel more like "you actually wants to talk to me" rather than "oh I'm intruding". However, if the former's not the case, then forget I said anything.

I almost got used to having my room being thrown back into the Stone Ages after my fan (and light) blew. Then along came the new fan. Somehow it just doesn't feel the same.

2012-01-05T21:59:00.001+08:00

Have I mentioned that I really enjoy reading Gary Hayden's articles? 'Cause I really do!

I shall not do anything. I shall sit and wait. Amor Fati.

Set Your Monster Free by Quiet Company!

Set Your Monster Free by Quiet Company on Grooveshark

My, oh my..

2012-01-03T23:19:00.001+08:00

Some things, you never realised you forgot, until all of a sudden, out of the blue, something reminds you of it. Tonight, during philosophy class, I realised many things.
I realised how I've let myself become too attached to certain things/people. I realised how I've let jealousy and anger arise stealthily, creeping up slowly. I realised how I'm allowing myself to be affected by this emotions, allowing them to disrupt my peace. I've felt this way before, I recognise this feeling, and it seems I'm on my way there, again. At least now I'm aware, change is coming. Very soon.

You know, it's not the attachment to material things that I have trouble with. It's the more intangible things, like relationships with people (friendships and the like).

I 'm going to shave my hair again, it's not a big deal. Just like an explorer, it's a good thing to check your bearings and recall your motivations once in a while. Or you could get frightfully lost.

I wonder?

2012-01-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

They say that if you accord someone too much value in your life, your own value in theirs drops. That's quite a saddening thought, isn't it? Unfortunately it does sound rather true.

Sorry... or not

2012-01-01T23:10:00.001+08:00

They say if you apologise too much you come across as a wimp, but if you don't do it, you'd pretty much a stuck-up wossname. Unfortunately I seem to be falling into the former category lately.. Now if I could just find that sweet spot, a perfect compromise between the two extremes.

I should start living for myself and not for others. And stop replying to messages so quickly too. Damn games we play.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T15:33:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to everyone! I shall be making new year's resolutions for the first time!

This year, I resolve to:

1. Enjoy life more, live more in the present and generally live life to the fullest.

2. Be more compassionate.

3. Love the world more.

Turn Off This Song And Go Outside by The Lonely Forest has a nice tune! I wonder how she finds these obscure bands that play such great music.

Zen, metafforically

2011-12-31T21:48:00.000+08:00

I realise I tend to over-react. Heh. Tampines Eco Green is awesome! Just watching the sun set, made the journey worth every minute. Awesome sunset is awesome!

Been reading Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett too, I really like his writing style. I remember writing like that back when there was composition writing in secondary school! I obviously didn't have as wide a wide vocabulary as him, but it's a pretty fun way to write :D

This popped up on Youtube while I was listening to If I Had Eyes, if videos did things like popping:

oh well

2011-12-30T10:57:00.008+08:00

I should trust my intuition more, it's always been right. Somehow I've always ignored it and listened to logic, and crap happens. Well, good job Samson, you've blown it. The one person you had so much in common with, is now so much further away. I can only hope it's not the end of this friendship.

I wonder if my idea of friendship is flawed. Or perhaps I try too hard. Why? I don't know.

I'll just stop talking. Not the best solution, but it'll do 'til I find a better one.

In any case, I'll still be here if you ever need help...

This is why I love nature:

You may say that I'm a dreamer, I might be the only one...

More Jack Johnson!

2011-12-29T21:55:00.001+08:00

Here's this really funny Jack Johnson music video featuring Ben Stiller. But don't believe me, see it for yourself! Ben Stiller's face is hilarious! Thanks for sharing, Grace!

Apparently A Brokedown Melody (by Jack Johnson) is the acoustic version of Breakdown, heh. I only realised it after seeing the lyrics on a friend's blog while listening to A Brokedown Melody.

If I Could

2011-12-29T16:11:00.003+08:00

If only I could read the thoughts going through other people's minds when they don't replymy texts. Positive or negative, it don't matter, I rather know than be left wondering if I said something I shouldn't have, when it's probably nothing. Simply a-g-o-n-i-s-i-n-g, i say.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

2011-12-27T09:43:00.001+08:00

Become a better person?

Upgrading to Samson 2.0!

I'm jealous! Or whatever this is called. ImustnotfeelnegativityImustnotfeelnegativityImustnotfeelnegativity. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Only sometimes. Oh wellllz.

All of life's a game,

2011-12-26T15:46:00.005+08:00

And we're its players.

It's your move.

I just disrupted the mood of this post. Oops.

Ignorance is not bliss, it's just plain old ignorance. There's nothing blissful about that.

MORE MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS!!!

Of wheat and corn fields

2011-12-26T15:01:00.008+08:00

Something circulating around facebook recently. Cheesy but it sound does rather true, I guess.

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders... may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person..."

"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
 
The teacher told him, "This time you bring back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get... This is marriage."

Damn I need to stop thinking shit and get back to work.

Flowww

2011-12-25T14:31:00.006+08:00

I realise that conversation flows much more freely when you don't think too much. Just like chisao. Heh.

RIP my dear ceiling fan, you have served me valiantly.

Who needs sleep when we've got love?
Who needs keys when we've got clubs?
Who needs please when we've got guns?
Who needs peace when we've gone above?
But beyond where we should've gone
We went beyond where we should've gone...

-Jack Johnson, Sleep Through the Static

He's one of the few artists that actually sound better live!

2011-12-25T12:52:00.001+08:00

My imaginary self agrees that I should stop texting others unnecessarily lest they find me a bother.

Must.. resist... phone..

I wonder why people drink, alcohol, that is. Why would you intoxicate and cloud your mind on purpose, when you could have a perfectly clear one? A friend of mine said she wishes to be drunk, forget herself, and live happily. But is that happiness, or is it delusion, rather? How could you be happy living a lie? I've been thinking a lot about this because my philosophy paper revolves around this topic.. hmm.

Here's a calming song from Jack Johnson:

His songs are awesome! Sometimes light hearted, sometimes calming. I wonder why I like acoustic songs when almost everyone else prefers loud and jumpy (is that the right word?) songs. Perhaps they're pretty minimalistic, in a way. Too much sounds clouds the mind.

I'd LOVE to, but...

2011-12-24T16:15:00.011+08:00

Heh I just realised that my blog is ancient, with posts dating all the way back to 2006. Wow. I feel slightly retarded reading them now.

I also realise that I talk to myself a lot while looking at the sky. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have someone else to converse with.

Emotions take over and overwhelm too easily, there must be some way to bring them under control, or at least achieve a harmonious relationship without locking them down. Meanwhile, I'll continue contemplating the skies with my imaginary self.

I'd love to, but...
I'm training to be a household pest!
Here's a list of creative/lame excuses when you next need to reject that persistent bugger:
http://www.enginesofmischief.com/makers/evan/sigs/love2.html

P.S. Acoustic and piano songs never fail to please me :D

The truth.. hurts?

2011-12-23T18:58:00.002+08:00

I would rather have the truth hurt than live in blissful ignorance, for it would hurt more once you find out that it was all a lie. If I'm annoying, please tell me. Never, ever, patronise me by not saying anything, because I would feel much worse when I find it out on my own.

My philosophy essay is making progress! Broke through the philosopher's block (is there such a thing?), now a quarter way into it, if you count the end as reaching 2000 words. :D

Just.. a dream?

2011-12-23T12:40:00.001+08:00

I wonder if I'll wake up one day, and realise it was all just a dream. I have this memory of taking a photo that I really liked, or at least I thought I did. Only after copying the entire batch of photos out from my camera, did I realise those photos were missing. Could it be that I deleted them accidentally? No, because the photos were in running order and I would know if I had. The only possible explanation was that they were the last and I did indeed delete them by accident. Unless I had dreamt it up and my brain found it so compellingly wonderful that it believed it to be a piece of reality.

Incidentally, I'm writing a paper on The Matrix and the concept of reality, and it doesn't help one bit.

some photos from teh Gr33333n day:

HDR!

Lil' pigeon.

Pathway to the Land of Zen

Upside downnnn

HDR!

On an unrelated note, here're 2 HDRIs from my window:

I'm still sore about that missing photo, thought there's nothing I can do about it.

2011-12-22T15:55:00.001+08:00

I really love reading Gary Hayden's fortnightly articles in Mind Your Body, contemplating life in general. Here's today's article:

I wonder if anyone ever reads this blog anyway(?), or if I'm talking to myself, like I always do.

Greeeen

2011-12-21T11:00:00.003+08:00

I now wish I lived in Tampines! While it might make going to school a little longer, the amount of greenery there already makes it worth it! The Eco Green there is so zen, and once you're in it, it's like a whole new world. And there's this small pond with a mini "jetty", I would sit there for hours if I could. There weather was also perfect for walking out in the open today! Considering the fact that it's been raining buckets (or salvos, more accurately) these few days. And Grace was a chameleon today, hahaha!

Also, I seem to have found a like-minded person! I used to think that I was the only person who would listen to music at the lowest volume, wanted to live in a place far from the city and close to nature, and the list goes on. After all, why would anyone listen to music at such a low volume? The louder the better right? Right? It's like we were from the same "DNA template". It's also the first time in ages since I've held a proper conversation without it deteriorating into silence and patronising laughter. Maybe it's because I'm boring (?), hmmm...

Did I mention that I really like talking to her? I hope the feeling is mutual. Sometimes the words don't come out right, sometimes I think of the appropriate answer only after the moment has passed, but I guess that comes from not talking much.

Having an awesome conversation is like good chi sao (between 2 people of similar ability), you attack (question), and I answer, by deflecting and counterattacking. My counter is now my question, you respond, and it goes on and on without stopping, like a dance. And the result is that both parties feel happy after the exchange, unlike an argument, which can be compared to a brawl, where one seeks to dominate the other through brute force and both are left injured. Fists, words, they are but weapons.

In any case, I'm going to try my best to maintain this friendship, and make the most out of it before we graduate, study overseas, and just plain disappear from each others' lives. Maybe we might meet again, maybe never.

I wonder if I'll ever meet someone like you, ever again.

Ir's been all good so far, and my only gripe is not having got to know you sooner.

Photos coming up! (Soon)

Alas, the only constant in this world is change, and all we can do is to flow with it.

Friends.. to be or not to be?

2011-12-19T22:00:00.000+08:00

Friendship lasts longer than love in general, romantic love I mean. Not the love you have for your parents, family, friends, dong, cat, fellow countrymen, but the love that draws people together into a relationship. Best friends usually seem stay longer together than couples, and aren't couples supposed to be even closer than best friends? If they aren't, why would they spend their whole life together? Why not just spend it with your best friend then?

Or, is it perhaps not the fault romantic love as a whole, but rather, is this phenomenon just a result of the fact that most people today don't get to know their partners well enough before entering a relationship? Perhaps, those that do not survive as couples, would not survive as best friends as well, in the long run? And, the relationship just acts as a catalyst to speed up the process of them breaking apart?

Wow the thoughts just flow freely once you start typing, don't they?

Happy coincidence?

2011-12-17T18:19:00.000+08:00

Things are looking up :0 I wonder if it was a happy coincidence the other day, or maybe...

Either way, it's all good! At the rate things are going, I might not be going to LA next year.. oh well.

Round and round

2011-12-16T22:50:00.000+08:00

The number of times I think about the future is directly proportional to the amount of depression I feel. I'm afraid I'll wander through life aimlessly, only to find out at the end that I've not achieved anything. What comes after I graduate? I will work? And then what? And then what after that? It goes on, and you get my point. Yet, what if, I search long and hard for the so called meaning of life, I might just find out that there was nothing there to find in the first place. Both are equally depressing :(

I'm also getting along quite well with this person right now (it's been a while since I had this many things to chat about with someone), but I fear, as I always do, that if things go further, and when we are countries away from each other, we'll drift apart. Maybe it's the environment I grew up in, but I've grown to be wary of relationships. I never understood why people went into relationships, maybe now I do, just a little, but still. It's an indescribable feeling, it truly is.

Maybe the way I grew up influenced me, or perhaps it's just the way I am, but I never seem to be able to make the first move, not unless I'm absolutely sure I'm right. Oh well, maybe things will change with time, and I might gain wisdom and confidence with age, or things might just remain the way they are. I'll try to live in the moment more from now on, for the sake of myself and the people around me (maybe?).

2011-12-16T09:52:00.000+08:00

Time always seems to compress when you least want it to, doesn't it? Or perhaps we only notice it then.

Strangers.. Again?

2011-12-13T22:55:00.001+08:00

Have we gone back to being strangers again? Give me a sign! (I sure hope it's just a figment of my imagination though)

And I need to convince my mum to let me go overseas for the Side Effects internship.. Any ideas?

2011-12-12T01:41:00.002+08:00

I just wish she would- Oh never mind. It'll probably never happen.

What's up?!

2011-12-11T23:05:00.000+08:00

Something is wrong with my brain. I didn't recognise English as English for a few seconds today.

The tricks we play...

2011-12-09T20:57:00.001+08:00

The hardest trick to see through, is the one we play on ourselves.

I feel like an invisible man. So far in my life, I've met many interesting and talented people, but I guess I'm just not interesting or talented enough to be paid any heed to.

Interesting Tuesday afteroonnn

2011-12-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

French oral today, I can't believe I left something out! Noooo.. Hopefully Mr Mallard missed it since he was in a rush :D

Anyway, what a surprise this afternoon! Mr TK came looking for Mr Pang and we went for lunch together! It does feel kind of weird though, going for lunch with your lecturers. But wow, apparently my course (Digital Visual Effects) was planned by Mr Pang and Mr TK. I never knew that. Instant Respect x10 for Mr Pang!

Annnd we watched another film for Philosophy today, seems like it's turning into film appreciation 101 eh. But, as usual, we got cut off around 10 when the projectors decided it was bedtime.

On another note, got the entire discography of Regina Spektor (or as Grace prefers to call it, spektorgraphy) from Grace today. :D I actually got to know about her music when she sang one of Narnia's songs, The Call. It was pretty nice, but I never really thought to look for her other songs until now. Thanks Grace! (Also sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring you a little!)

P.S My render screwed up again. It's been the fourth day straight I'm rendering the damn thing. MAYA Y U NO STOP TROLLING ME?!

Le Réveil

2011-12-04T11:55:00.004+08:00

So I've decided to actually write stuff here, instead of posting wips of my 3d models. This sounds really sad, but, maybe by writing here I can get a sense of talking to someone. Really talking, meaningful conversation talking and not "oh you know so-and-so did such-and-such?". The result is I usually end up talking to myself. :(

Anyway, guess what?

The funnest module this sem is Philosophy! If there was homework, it'd be funner, but I'm not complaining as it is.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to be loner all my life; I've pretty much never known someone I could hold meaningful conversation with. Usually it's about games or movies and the like. I guess it could be my fault, never really wanted to mix around with my peers much anyway. It's strange, but somehow even as a young kid, I preferred hanging around with the adults and listening to their stories, instead of, you know, discussing which power ranger was the coolest with my cousins.

It all seems so mundane, somehow. I just can't put that feeling into words, maybe someone will get it, somewhere, sometime.

Recently I started talking to a friend of mine. I never really knew her before, just kind of acquaintances. But it turns out she's pretty talented, just saying.

Perhaps we might become great friends.. It's a good thing to hope, isn't it?

Well, for now I just hope she enjoys talking to me as much as I do to her.

Found out the name of this song only recently, it's a great song! Thanks Grace!

Year 2 sem 2

2011-10-16T22:07:00.002+08:00

Year 2 Sem 1 Timetable

2011-04-21T12:34:00.000+08:00

S2 Timetable

2010-10-19T09:19:00.000+08:00

加油！

2010-08-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

To all my friends having promos/exams/projects, 加油！:D

APU UPDATE!

2010-08-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

My progress thus far..

Spaceship! (in Maya)

2010-07-13T15:54:00.001+08:00

And so, as the story goes, once a upon a time, I was bored in Visual Arts Class.....

Here's the one produced by actually following the lesson step by step (with some attempt to high-techify it):

There, I created a new word, "high-techify"! :D

High-techify: To make an object/design look high-tech

:D

Surprise, Surprise...

2010-07-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

*Ahem* Let me just say I was extremely shocked (and undoubtedly pleasantly surprised!) when I "bumped" into a certain person at City Square Mall yesterday. Annddd apparently, sifu Adam believes she likes me. xD

How I wish I knew the truth.. *hint hint*

Haiz.. such is the nature of attachment...

Wacom Intuos 3

2010-04-21T21:30:00.001+08:00

modelled a Wacom tablet sitting in front of me in 3ds max during Visual Art Techniques class today... Did some touching up at home.

PS: 99.9999% of the model was done in class in under an hour...
PPS: I wasn't supposed to be modelling in class. :P

Semester 1 Timetable!

2010-04-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

Update at last!

2010-04-01T20:01:00.001+08:00

Ammo dump is completed! At last!

Bored in IT class...

2010-02-10T10:32:00.005+08:00

Click on image to play animation!

Pelvis COMPLETE!!!

2010-02-09T22:29:00.001+08:00

YAY

UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT LAST!!!!

2010-02-04T20:23:00.001+08:00

Ahhh glitch!!

Inspiration

2010-02-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

And there I was lying on the floor staring at the ceiling, mind totally blank. All of a sudden, the inspiration for a drawing popped into my head. Just like that. POP XD

FAIL!

2010-01-31T12:28:00.003+08:00

Wednesday:

Went with Cheryl to Plaza Singapura to watch Spy Next Door. And Guess what we saw in one of the shops? This:

If you've even watched Star Wars, you'll know what's wrong with the picture. :D

Anyway, I can't imagine how we managed to enter the wrong cinema hall. I'm pretty sure it was brought about by not one, but a variety of factors. :D (too much SS ><)

Saturday:
SOY'B was the first ever anime event I've been to, and I can't say it gave me a good impression of them. Went with Cheryl and some of my DPA friends. The event was so-so, to quote QX, the "highlight" of the day was the early closing time of Ngee Ann Polytechnic's Makan Place. That was, in my honest opinion, retarded. They could have left it open longer considering that an event was on, no?

APU- Leg complete.

2010-01-25T13:40:00.000+08:00

Urgh I've been overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have to do since poly started. ><

Funny Videos :D

2010-01-19T21:52:00.001+08:00

Some extremely hilarious videos XD
It's stuff like this that give me hope for society.

Le chemin le moins fréquenté

2010-01-16T13:17:00.000+08:00

Okay, so the 'O' levels are out. Many people have been asking me the same question till I've gotten sick of hearing it. Not to flaunt (there're a hell lot of people with better results than me by the way), but it always goes: "Your results so good, why go poly[technic]?"

There seems to still be this school-ism against polytechnic students today, even though the "poly no go local uni" rule is fading fast.

Granted, many would follow the traditional route, from junior college to university and hope to become a doctor/lawyer and make tons of money blah blah blah. But I'm used to taking the path less traveled. After all, most people my age would be doing taekwondo/karate/judo/aikido as a martial art. Not Taijiquan or Wingchun Kuen. Most probably wouldn't have heard of Wingchun before the Ip Man movie.

Back to the topic, I don't see a need to follow the traditional route. As I long as I get where I want to go, it doesn't really matter how, does it?

Update.

2010-01-12T20:00:00.002+08:00

File crashed

2010-01-12T17:33:00.001+08:00

Damn my file crashed. about half hour + work had to be redone. oh well, shit happens.

2nd render

2010-01-12T13:43:00.000+08:00

Lightened up the background...

Dusts off old APU model

2010-01-11T22:36:00.001+08:00

Finally resumed work on my year-old APU. foot.

1st Attempt At Texturing... and the 'O' Level results

2010-01-11T21:01:00.002+08:00

My first attempt at actually texturing a model, as opposed to simply slapping a colour material on. XD Didn't turn out too bad, I must say... :)

We finally got back our 'o' level results at 1400+ hrs today after waiting through quite abit of... let's just say stuff we didn't wanna hear. Got 4 A1s, 3 A2s and a B3. Not too bad, but not great either. This might sound a little harsh, but if you got great results, give yourself a pat on the back, and let's just move on. If you got less-than-desirable results, just suck it up, say "Life's a bitch." and move on. It's just the 'o' levels, not the end of the world. (We'll worry about than in 2 years.)

Complete

2010-01-05T17:00:00.000+08:00

Not gonna texture it till I've learnt how to.

Rivets.

2010-01-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

Almost done

2010-01-04T14:46:00.000+08:00

Engine Block... Done

2010-01-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

Turned out better than I expected. :D

Update. 'Nuff said.

2009-12-31T16:47:00.003+08:00

After a long period of slacking......

2009-12-30T19:01:00.002+08:00

No idea what's with the weird lighting in the second render.

The Three Tests

2009-12-16T16:02:00.001+08:00

I'm losing sleep recently trying to decide if a certain "someone" likes me. Hence, to prevent myself from losing even more sleep, I've come up with 3 definitive events that will happen if she likes me =D (99% won't happen)

1. I will receive an unsolicited sms from her.
2. I will receive an unsolicited phone call from her.
3. I will bump into her in Hougang.

Now, how likely is that to happen?

Upper Leg complete!

2009-11-16T15:04:00.000+08:00

For those eagle-eyed people who've spotted the symbol, you'll see where I'm going with this when I'm done. xD

Some Progress....

2009-11-15T15:09:00.001+08:00

Update.

And...even more Dreadnought WIPs

2009-11-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

Quick render before i go off to bed.

More WIPs

2009-11-13T21:18:00.001+08:00

Finally managed to get a decent clay render after screwing around with the renderers in Max for hours. -.-

2009-11-13T09:58:00.001+08:00

And... the 'O' Levels are over!!! At last!!! Finally have time to work on my 3D models :) I'll be focusing on the Dreadnought and APU more, ~~and the M4A1 can go screw itself~~ but I'll work on the M4 after I'm done with the APU and Dreadnought.

2009-11-11T21:31:00.004+08:00

Parkour spots around my house. All spots (except the last one) are between the nearby police post and Hougang Point; on the side of the road opposite Hougang Point. Lazy to draw a "map", so words will have to suffice.
Lastly, forgive the screwy fomatting. Technology FAIL.

2009-08-04T20:18:00.006+08:00

Generation Ex - PKSG

Jump London

Jump Britain

Interview with Stephane Vigroux

Generation Yamakasi

NinjaSpartan's Hideout

Don't wanna miss a thing

Irony

Ill kiss you till the morning light

My dear self

Haha

Did you know?

So far away..

Copeland!

UPUPUP

Allow me to introduce...

Oh no

You are my sunshine..

I wonder..

A battle of will

Just a wondering..

Halo fever is back!

Step, stab, steppity stab

Today I learned

lalala

And you ask why

Perhaps

Who are you?

Goodness gracious

Deja vu?

Why?

Like the thief in the night, let me steal your heart away..

There is no spoon.. Or is there?

One day...

我难过的是

Oh please, please don't take my sunshine away..

Talk to me!!!! Must I say please? Not.

My, oh my..

I wonder?

Sorry... or not

Happy New Year!

Zen, metafforically

oh well

More Jack Johnson!

If I Could

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

All of life's a game,

Of wheat and corn fields

Flowww

I'd LOVE to, but...

The truth.. hurts?

Just.. a dream?

Greeeen

Friends.. to be or not to be?

Happy coincidence?

Round and round

Strangers.. Again?

What's up?!

The tricks we play...

Interesting Tuesday afteroonnn

Le Réveil

Year 2 sem 2

Year 2 Sem 1 Timetable

S2 Timetable

加油！

APU UPDATE!

Spaceship! (in Maya)

Surprise, Surprise...

Wacom Intuos 3

Semester 1 Timetable!

Update at last!

Bored in IT class...

Pelvis COMPLETE!!!

UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT LAST!!!!

Inspiration

FAIL!

APU- Leg complete.

Funny Videos :D

Le chemin le moins fréquenté

Update.

File crashed

2nd render

*Dusts off old APU model*

1st Attempt At Texturing... and the 'O' Level results

Complete

Dusts off old APU model